Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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