He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
