Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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