Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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