You're so nebulous sometimes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
