I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
