there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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