Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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