i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
