can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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