Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I faked an abortion last night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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