sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
