He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
