I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
