I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
