Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
