he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
