She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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