Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
