He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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