I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
