I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
