I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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