Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
