Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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