those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
