The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
