I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
