so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
