with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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