The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
