You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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