I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
