Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
