I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
