There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
