I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
