Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
