I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
