I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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