well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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