One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
