you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
