I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
