Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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