watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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