I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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