I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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