Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
