And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
