I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
