PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
